I’m A Professional Intuitive & This Is How Empaths Can Avoid Codependency

“Codependency”is when you are no longer independent, so your sense of safety or well-being is defined by the other person. An example would be not being able to feel happy or peaceful until the other person is feeling that way too. The American Psychological Association defines enmeshmentas, “A condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and relationships to an excessive degree,” and there may be some overlap between these two terms.

As we have covered previously in this book, when you are sensitive enough to feel what others feel, you could try to manage other people’s emotions to cope. That way, if they feel good, you feel good, right?

This sounds like a simple fix, but in reality it is actually much more draining–not to mention unhealthy and unrealistic. Sensitive empaths may try to manage other people’s lives and emotions as a coping skill, often without realizing it.

We’ve already covered how witnessing and observing others is an excellent coping skill for empaths, and here we will cover another coping skill for being a sensitive person in a close relationship to someone else: anchoring into your own energy. Suggestions for this include:

Meeting a friend for lunch on Saturday while your partner does something else, taking a yoga class with an instructor you like while your kids are at school, or hanging outside the house with someone else while your roommate stays home and enjoys the space all to themselves are great examples.

This could look like making time to go hiking with a group even though your partner isn’t a nature person, making time to host your monthly book club even though your adult child who lives with you doesn’t like the same genre, or having a home altar in your bedroom even though your roommate isn’t spiritual.

So what if your best friend doesn’t like boho-chic clothing, or your child thinks you laugh too loud, or your roommate doesn’t like Thai food? Finding ways to be

in a relationship to others with respect and kindness, while still being allowed to be our authentic selves, helps prevent enmeshment.

We are all unique pieces of a larger puzzle. Sometimes your genius is tied to what is unique or most different about you. While it’s good to cooperate with others, compromise, and be flexible, a homogeneous society might not be as healthy. Try to celebrate and embrace other people’s quirks and uniqueness–as well as your own.

Is there a musical artist you loved as a child…and still love to sing or dance along with? Perhaps you’ve been an activist for a certain worthy cause for decades. Or is there a talent or passion that has been part of your life for as long as you can remember, like reading fantasy novels, telling jokes, acting in plays, or running marathons? Stay in touch with the parts of yourself that reveal your true nature or may even be a glimpse into your soul.

It’s crucial that people in your life understand that sometimes, as a sensitive person, you just need space from the relationship, or healthy alone time. This is good for all humans in close relationships, and I think it can be especially helpful for empaths. Give others this same grace, communicating to each other that asking for space or alone time doesn’t mean you value or love the other person any less. I was very lucky regarding this issue, as my mother taught me early how healthy and even fun getting space and alone time can be.

Codependency and enmeshment are complex issues and could have even developed as a coping skill in childhood. If you suspect they’re issues for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. Getting help–through support groups, counseling, and books by experts–can be amazingly useful in giving you healthier tools to manage your close relationships.

“Relationships are more fun when I have some autonomy. After all, I enjoy my own company! Having independence actually strengthens my close relationships, and knowing that I can ask for healthy space and alone time makes me feel more safe and comfortable as a sensitive person about entering new intimate relationships.”