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May 30, 2022 — 16:02 PM
Ask a person with penis about their big O, and usually they’ll tell you about the kind they get from massaging their member. Indeed, ejaculatory penile orgasms are one kind of orgasms people with this anatomy can have, but they aren’t the only kind. There are also prostate orgasms, which are orgasms induced from stimulating the nerve-dense gland through internal or external pressure.
What is the prostate?
Colloquially known as the male G-spot or P-spot, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the base of the penis and the rectum in most people assigned male at birth, says Zachary Zane, a sex expert and founder of BoySlut. The prostate’s main evolutionary task is to make some of the fluid in semen. But the prostate isn’t just a body part of function; it’s a body part of pleasure, too.
“The prostate is jam-packed with thousands of nerve endings which makes it feel very pleasurable when stimulated,” explains Zane. The multifunctional gland can be reached directly by penetrating the anus two to three inches inside towards the stomach-side of the body, he explains.
How a prostate orgasm works.
As you might guess, prostate orgasm is an orgasmic response to prostate stimulation. Yes, prostate stimulation can feel that good.
“Typically, prostates respond well to repetitive touch and pressure,” says Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sex educator for the adult wellness brand Lovers. This can be achieved through anal penetration with your hands or with the help of anal-safe toy, like a prostate massager, anal vibrator, or curved butt plug. “While I’m reluctant to say that “all people” can do anything, the vast majority of prostate-owners are physically capable of having a prostate orgasm from prostate stimulation,” says Zane. Good to know!
As it goes, prostate play can be enjoyable for anyone with a prostate. But it can be downright life-changing for people who have erectile dysfunction (and their partners), according to Carol Queen, Ph.D., a sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations. Prostate play allows people who can’t frequently or reliably have penile orgasms–as well as those who are experimenting with semen retention–to have some kind of release. “It gives the person with ED (and partner/s if any) an alternative erotic focus that can include much pleasure,” she says. It also allows those who have a longer refractory period to play around with multiple orgasms.
Many prostate-owners say that prostate orgasms feel more full-bodied compared to penile orgasms, according to him. An orgasm that overtakes you head-to-head-to-toe? We’re here for it.
Tips & techniques to have a prostate orgasm.
Want to explore the hidden pleasure-potential of your own–or your partner’s–prostate? Ahead, a few tips and tricks to keep in mind.
Take the pressure off.
Beat the bloat & feel and look your best.*
The best way to cock-block an orgasm? By putting pressure on yourself to have one. Zane says it’s important to remember that “even if the stimulation doesn’t result in a prostate orgasm (or any other orgasm), prostate stimulation can still feel good.”
The prostate isn’t the only nerve-rich portion of the anus, he says. The entrance of the canal is reported to have as many nerves as the head of a penis. And while the anal canal itself isn’t quite as sensitive, many penis-owners enjoy the feeling of fullness that accompanies anal and prostate play.
Start with a finger.
Your fingers are more malleable and responsive than toys, which is why Stewart recommends starting your prostate exploration journey with your hands, also sometimes known as prostate milking.
Rather than going from zero-to-finger, start by turning yourself on in your usual ways (stroking your penis, pinching your nipples, porn, etc), she suggests. Then, when you’re ready, grab some lube and go for it. “Start with a single finger,” she says. “Once inside, curl your finger towards your stomach and you should feel a bulbous, spongy gland.”
All bodies are different, she says, so spend some time testing out different types of touch. Experiment with swiping your finger side to side like a windshield wiper, pressing it like a doorbell, and circling it round and round.
Pro-tip: Pre-play, give yourself a little manicure. “You want to make sure your nails are cut and filed down because you don’t want to accidentally scratch your insides.”
Try to stimulate the area externally.
Tried receptive anal penetration and didn’t enjoy it? Can’t mentally get over the potential of poo? Simply looking for yet another way to tease this hot-spot? Try stimulating the prostate indirectly via external stimulation.
Applying pressure to the perineum–the patch of tissue between the scrotum and the anus–can put feel-good pressure on the prostate as well, according to Zane.
Level up with prostate toys.
Between prostate massagers, anal beads, dildos, and butt plugs, the anal-safe toy market is stacked. But if you’re going to invest in a prostate toy, Zane recommends making it a prostate massager. Typically shaped like Captain Hook’s claw, “prostate massagers are the best way to induce a prostate orgasm on yourself,” he says. Even better are vibrating prostate massagers.
“Apply a ton of water-based lube to the massage, then gently insert it inside of your anus,” he says. “Slow and steady wins the race here, so if you’ve never explored your back door, you should start with the smallest prostate massager you can find.”
Whether you’re receiving a toy, penis, or finger, Zane suggests focusing on your inhales and exhales. The natural bodily response when you’re being anally penetrated for the first time is to clench down, he explains, which can make the whole experience uncomfortable, if not downright impossible.
“Focus on taking big, deep, diaphragmatic belly breaths while you play. This will help you relax,” he says. Breathing may have the power to extend your orgasm, too.
3 positions to try for prostate stimulation.
Whether you’re exploring your prostate on your own, with a partner, or multiple partners, or you’re using toys or body parts, there are multiple positions available for prostate play.
Tried-and-true for a reason, the missionary position is a great option for couples who want to mix in a dose of eye-gazing, skin-to-skin contact, and heightened intimacy to their prostate play. If you’re the person receiving anal penetration, lay on your back. “Putting a sex pillow under your hips will help angle your anus up, giving your partner better access to stimulate your prostate with any body part or toy,” says Zane.
This option has you lay flat on your belly. Depending on mobility, comfort, and personal preference, your partner can lay at your side, straddle your hips, or kneel to the side of you. “While you lay there, your partner can spread apart your butt cheeks and can gently insert a finger or toys,” says Zane.
If analingus is on the menu, he recommends starting with some external licking before moving onto internal flicking.
The spooning sex position is a great option for couples exploring anal intercourse and pegging. Here, the partner receiving prostate stimulation takes the little spoon position while the giving partner gets in back. “While your partner stimulates your prostate you can (and should!) stimulate your penis at the same time,” suggests Zane.
Toys to help.
The world of prostate toys is as vast and expansive as, well, the anus of someone horny. Really, any toy that has a flared base or crook–which anchors the toy firmly outside the body–can be used for prostate play. It’s imperative that any toy that is inserted into any anus has a flared base, so it doesn’t go up and get lost in your digestive tract.
Ahead, three categories of sex toys that work well for prostate play.
Butt plugs do exactly what it sounds like they’ll do: Plug your butt. Designed to go in your butt and stay in your butt, these toys create a sustained feeling of fullness. While the majority of butt plugs are shaped like carrots, some plugs have a slight curve which offers continuous pressure to the P-spot. There are butt plugs for anal play beginners and folks who are “advanced,” so be sure to find the butt plug that’s most appropriate for your experience level.
Prostate massagers, which often look a bit like G-spot massagers, are toys shaped perfectly for internal p-zone stimulation. These are a great option for people who don’t have the mobility required to manually stimulate their own hole, as well as those skeeved out by the (small!) possibility of poop.
The Lelo Loki Wave ($149.00) provides both internal and external prostate stimulation, by pleasuring the anus directly through the anus and indirectly through the perineum. The Fun Factory Duke ($99.00) is also curved perfectly for prostate stimulation. Plus, it vibrates!
A third option which comes recommended from Stewart is the SVAKOM Vick Neo ($99.00). “It has a dual-motor for internal and external stimulation, is waterproof, extremely quiet, and is app-enabled,” she says.
Dildos, which look more phallic, are often longer and thicker than butt plugs or massagers, making them a great option for people who need a lot of pressure against their prostate. They’re also a good pick for someone who, generally, enjoys the sensation of anal fullness. However, they are not typically not designed only for prostate play, so it takes a bit more skill to use it for this purpose.
Dildos can be used via hand during solo or partnered play. They can also be used in a harness to allow someone who doesn’t not have a factory-installed penis to penetrate their partner, hands-free.
The prostate is another erogenous zone that, when stimulated, can pack a pleasurable punch–in many instances, even inducing a full-body prostate orgasm. If you’re intrigued, wash your hands, grab some lube, and get down with your sexy self. Or, if you have a partner (or two!) who want to explore prostate play with you, communicate your wants and needs, and then have fun with your hottie and your anal-safe toy of choice. (Just don’t forget that flared base!)
As with any new type of sexual play, remember that pleasure is more important than orgasm. So, if it stops feeling good, stop. Or, pause and parse out with your partner what you need for it to feel better.